Too Lazy to Fail

Enzyte Scammer Gets 25 Years for Fraud

If customers complained, he said, employees were instructed to “make it as difficult as possible” for them to get their money back. In some cases, Teegarden said, Warshak required customers to produce a notarized statement from a doctor certifying Enzyte did not work.

“He said it was extremely unlikely someone would get anything notarized saying they had a small penis,” Teegarden said.

Ouch.

I mean, there are a lot of critics of the Memphis PD, and I’m often one of them, but where did you find this?

Remember what mom said, about cola making your teeth fall out? Yeah. Worse.

As pdb pointed out, the success of this venture is dependent on the victim not tipping the soda before removing the cap. Also, most folks would not open or drink a 20oz soda after noticing that the seal had been broken. Perhaps one could mitigate both of these downsides by using a 2L bottle only partially filled instead?

Another favorite soda-bottle destructive device that was popular at school was the Coke Bottle Bomb, which involved placing a handful of balled up aluminium foil (about the size of peas) into a 20oz soda bottle, then filling the bottle half-full with “The Works” toilet bowl cleaner (available at the Dollar Tree) and closing the cap tightly. Explosion occurs without warning three to seven minutes after mixture, and leaves a glorius green goo all over everything. The explosion is powerful enough to knock out nearby glass, so don’t set it on a window ledge.

First marital aids, now this?

Product Description
Radioactive sample of uranium ore. Useful for testing Geiger Counters. License exempt. Uranium ore sample sizes vary. Shipped in labeled metal container as shown. Shipping Information: We are always in compliance with Section 13 from part 40 of the NRC Nuclear Regulatory Commission rules and regulations and Postal Service regulations specified in 49 CFR 173.421 for activity limits of low level radioactive materials. Item will be shipped in accordance with Postal Service activity limits specified in Publication 52. Radioactive minerals are for educational and scientific use only.

This would be a great way to make sure that, should you ever get raided for any offense real or imaginary, the authorities would have to go to the time and trouble of getting a haz-mat team to come clear the premises. Don’t send me the bill for the stuff they break in the process, though.

Sorry for the lack of posting. I was walking down the street a few weeks ago, heard something, and turned just in time to see someone swinging a Maglite at my head. When I came to, I found that I had been turned into a homeowner. Will blog about it soon.

I overheard something on Tracie’s computer that struck me as uniquely bizarre:

Heil Honey I’m Home! is a short-lived and controversial British television sitcom, produced in 1990.

The show was centred on fictionalised versions of Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun, who lived together in suburban bliss, until the day their lives are turned upside-down by their new neighbours, the Goldensteins, who are Jewish. The show’s plots inevitably centered around Hitler’s inability to get along with his neighbours. A caption at the beginning of the episode presented the series as a ‘lost’ sitcom from the 50s, recently re-discovered. The show spoofed elements of 1950s and 1960s American sitcoms such as Leave It to Beaver and I Love Lucy, including the corny title, plot and dialogue that was light to the point of vacuous, and unwarranted applause whenever a character appeared on screen.

The show actually begins at 0:45.

Eva: You got the prime minister of England coming over here to the apartment tomorrow and you don’t tell me so I can get something out of the ice box?!

Adolf: Well, honey, if you’re going to get on my back about everything, I’m not going to tell you WHY he’s coming.

Eva: Oh, you don’t need to tell me WHY, I know WHY…

Adolf: *looks over*

Eva: It’s Czechoslovakia.

Adolf: *consternated look*

Wait for it.

In their sleavies, of course!

Sorry, couldn’t think of a title.

This was what I got to check in my absolutely snazzy motel room during a recent work-related stay at a TN state park. Notice that my old-fashioned mechanical key was given to me in a magnetic key-card sleeve.

Of particular interest is “Magnets, such as those on purses and wallets, can damage your card. Use this sleeve to protect the magnetic stripe from damage.”

Even if the guest ignores the stupidity of getting custom-made key-card holders for a mechanical key, do they think that magnetic stripes on key-cards and credit cards are that easy to demagnetize? (Answer: Yes, but not with anything likely to be in your purse) If it is truly that easy to damage your key-card with the magnets on your person, will a simple paper sleeve protect the stripe?

I mean, I understand that you don’t want me carrying around a key-card in the same pocket as my keys, slowly grinding away the precious bits, but if you don’t want me to scratch it, just say so! If you’re afraid that little old me won’t understand that you don’t want me to scratch up the card, just tell me to keep it in the sleeve at all times, and save me the well-intentioned misdirection!

I also am continually amused at trust in “Duplication Prohibited” keys. With the exception of government-marked or keys or keys with patented designs, there is no legal barrier to making one sliver of metal look like another sliver of metal. They give you those one-sided deadbolts and chain locks at hotels for a reason, kids. Use them.

(Handy tip: pointing the whole “Duplication Prohibited” fallacy out to the administration of the University you used to work at while handing in your master keys is not a good way to leave a lasting pleasant impression, even if you were just trying to help. If you look back on your way out, you will see them through the window, talking on the phone while looking way too serious about the whole thing.)

Dude (Looks Like A Lady)

A transsexual is seeking thousands of pounds in damages after claiming he was forced out of his job as a truck driver when he starting dressing as a woman.

Vikki-Marie Gaynor, 37, who was born a man, claims bosses started cancelling his shifts when he dropped his old name, Mike, and started wearing women’s clothes, earrings and make-up to work.

The former soldier, who has been married twice and has a teenage daughter, was taunted by other drivers who made rude gestures towards him, it is alleged.

Now Mr Gaynor has launched a sexual discrimination claim against the haulage firm and the recruitment agency which employed him. He could receive a five-figure sum if the employment tribunal finds in his favour.

Reminds me of:

(On a more serious note: I’ve officially ceased to be shocked at the depravity of man’s mind.)

Ask.com: Experience the Algorithm. Instant Gratification for Creepy Perverts.

I bet the angry letters just write themselves.

Besides, I prefer “Cows With Guns” myself.